Echoes of Flavio's Ghost Dreaming

A different week. It's the small things.. like something called 'plantar fascitis' (if it is that, the doctor's examination was all in prose, words not physical), which is an incredibly painful foot that makes it a challenge to walk. And trying to renew my driving license (as I'm incredibly old by now, twice as old as I ever though I'd be) and the form arrived in the mail says I can do it online. The form online says I cannot do it online because they need to change the photo, go to a post office. The post office says they cannot do it there because. And that I have to send the application by post. With my passport. Hm, that doesn't make me very happy. Will have to investigate more about this and what options there are for me.

What a strange counterpoint between the very extremely alarming news coming from... out there (waves vaguely at the world outside) and the relatively hum-drum or at least quotidian river of life in my corner, quietly sliding past in guitar lessons, practice, local goth clubs at the local rock pub, walks to the Heath or down in the general direction of that there London. Posting pictures of sunsets that nobody sees, posting clips of my guitar playing that nobody seems to care about. Reading, again in strange counterpoint, a fantasy book with minor gods who intervene in the affairs of humans for the next Bibliogoth and also Naomi Klein's 'Shock Doctrine', with its resonances with the nightmare currently about to unfold in the world. Enjoying a bit of coconut sorbet ice-cream and talking to a few friends, walking down the South Bank in the night but also driving up the M1 to my school of Tuesdays when it's still dark and I'm only 10% awake if that. The river of life's currents continue their sliding by, relentlessly.

Half term week. Getting up at 8:40 is not as good as getting up at 9:30 but so much better than getting up at 5 like every normal Tuesday. Only one guitar lesson (on Zoom) this evening. Try not to read the news today, it only makes me sad and sort of despondent. Oh, the sun is shining!

Why do I keep having these dreams in which my car gets stolen? But it is not my real car and not here. I'm still in our old dilapidated house in West Caracas and the car in question is some large American car, like a Chevrolet and.. white with red upholstery (vivid colours in the dream). In that scene I have very dodgy neighbours -well, that was true in real life then, so my brain is not making that up. I still think I would not be alive today had I stayed in that neighbourhood.

Been a bit quiet here (again).

The end of summer and the coming of autumn has hit me a bit this year. It feels like my world is getting narrower and a little more difficult to navigate with each day. Partly it is the precariousness of my way of earning a living, which may be beginning to catch up with me -I am of pensionable age by now (how did that happen) but apparently many of my qualifying years didn't have all the NI contributions paid (no idea how that happened) and therefore don't count, so I only get a paltry one that is probably less than I spend in coffee in the month. Can I carry on doing private music teaching? Of course, while I have health but -odd things are happening: there are a few times im the year when I normally get a number of enquiries and some of those become pupils -which makes up for the ones that move away or the more casual ones that give up for whatever reason. The main of those times of the year is when the new school year starts, in September. Well, this year I didn't get one single enquiry. Not one phone call. This had never happened in the many years I've lived in the UK. It may be due to the cost of living crisis or maybe the patterns of how people look for an instrumental teacher have changed... no idea.

Social life still ok, although I have already missed quite a few gigs I would have like to have attended. Lack of energy, sometimes lack of money or just not having been aware they were happening. I still go to the little alternative club nights at Aces and the Albany but I can only take a couple of hours of that now. Still good to see people and catch up and dance a bit.

A pupil who is a lecturer at UCL has suggested the possibility of doing a recital (probably a lunch time one) there. It has to be some sort of lecture-recital, I am tempted to do one themed on Spanish and English Renaissance lute (and vihuela) music, tracing the parallel lines between the two styles of music between two nations perennially at war in those times. Probably would play the 'Canción del Emperador' by Luys de Narváez (link to a performance of mine of this work, below) and the ever popular (in a very narrow segment of the population, alas) 'Lachrimae Pavan' by John Dowland. I wish I was a little better at promoting my 'product'! but, still...

Canción del Emperador:
https://flaviomatani.dreamwidth.org/1547157.html

Lachrimae Pavan:
https://youtu.be/IEeL2e9y3b0

Ah, a Tuesday I don't have to get up at 5:20 am. My Tuesday school has an 'enrichment' week so no lessons (and no income; if you're an instrumental music teacher you essentially and rroughly get paid for lesson given, if the lesson doesn't happen you don't get paid). Today will be a slow day, which I think I needed.Taking my old Yamaha GC15D guitar to a luthier as the tuning machines broke and although this is a simple job, happens that whilst every other classical guitar in the world has a distance within axles of 35 mm, this one's 39 mm. But I'm not prepared to give up on a guitar that I've had for nigh on half a century and on which I played my graduation exam and concert, etc. Oops, this came out rather longer than I thought. Good morning!

In spite of the entropy of passing years I still go to clubs and stuff, although by the time I've been there for two hours I've had enough. There is also the fact that I nearly always have pupils having lessons the following morning -and that takes priority; the livelihood of a self-employed music teacher is rather precarious and if there is work you take it because you never know.

I've not been back to the Slimelight for ... n years. The only time I've been after the pandemic was to the opening of an exhibition by Parma Ham. I am not sure I'm comfortable with the new regime there although it seems that things have got better. I do go to local clubs and several smaller format nights are organised by friends in Aces & Eights, just a few blocks up the road in Tufnell Park and at the Albany in Gt Portland Street, just an 88 bus ride away. This suits me. It is good to see friends and people I've known for many years and catch up (although I do find that difficult in the noisy environment of a club) and dance a bit. In terms of catching up I think I prefer the Hampstead Alternative Picnics that Jon Hannan has been organising since .. 2007 or thereabouts. Last week's one was lovely. I also went to Reformation at Aces & Eights last night. It was good, I even danced (well, I call it 'dancing', others might differ!).

First of five guitar lessons today done, keen and awake little 8 yo girl. Then lesson in Singapore; later on two in-person lessons and one last one online -local busy doctor who is a bit too busy and prefers the lessons online #guitarlessons

Always slightly mixed feelings about this. I was brought up a Catholic (which sometimes is a sure fire way of turning you into an atheist) but soon decided I didn't share the whole Christian thing -and everything I've learnt about the history of that religion (or, by now, religions) seems to confirm this. But we need landmarks, points along the way where we can stop and reflect on where we are, the road travelled and the road yet to travel. So, we celebrate birthdays, the new year... Christmas.

In the last few years my sister had travelled from Venezuela to either Madrid or Lisbon and I would join her and her troops there and celebrate with them. They are not doing that this year so it will be a quieter time. Maybe I need those days on my own, not doing much. Might even get to watch Barbie and Oppenheimer which I missed on the cinema, read a lot, eat comfort food. And not think about thosed schools I teach guitar at and on how long I may be able to do that and how I may manage without them.

I have lived in this island for over half of a very long life now, but I still am Venezuelan in many ways, even if I don't think I could possibly live there now. It was great to have my first hallaca of the season -bought, alas; it is too much hard work to do on your own. Traditionally it is the whole family labouring for two or three days to get a batch of hallacas. It was good, though.

Now in my Wednesday school in Highbury. Still on antibiotics, still very very tired. Life getting all sorts of small annoying complications. Break time now and the noise here is unbelievable. This (the level of noise in these places) is something that I so hated when I was that age and had to live with it every day for years and years. At some point I'll have to decide I cannot continue doing the schools but I can't afford to give them up. Will have to look into what options I have -most people at this age have long since retired but, as I said, I can't afford to. Teaching music does have its rewards and I love giving that sort of gift of being able to make music and, hopefully, understand it, at least to some level. But teaching it in schools is exhausting, not that fantastically well paid and I probably won't be able to do this for much longer...

Life takes you places you weren't expecting.

UTI has come back, now on a second course of a different antibiotic and awaiting results from further tests. ION, Infest in Bradford was amazing. I'm glad I went but I suspect I still wasn't 100% recovered so that may have had a part in the coming back of the bug.